06.28.09 10.31
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what did you say? ||| speak the fuck up
06.26.09 03.10
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what did you say? ||| speak the fuck up
06.26.09 10.31
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speak the fuck up
06.25.09 01.09
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I'z kinda ti0rd in the picture, but it's just a test pic to fuck around with settings on the phone, TwitPic and LoudTwitter. So I should be able to post pics to my journal now straight from my phone. :)
~Kissy
mood:  productive
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06.25.09 12.23
...::: Bettie Page Cat :::...
Not sure if I mentioned this last year, but after the divorce, Luckee moved out & we divvied up the cats. Then, a few months later, I couldn't afford the rent anymore. I was going to be homeless, like, *REALLY* homeless, like, I slept outside and in parking garages homeless.
I had to give up the 3 cats I had.
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, has ever been more painful in my life. Especially once it got down to the day before I had to move out and I *still* didn't have a place for them.
Finally, I found someone who would foster them. My cats moved into a motel, I was sleeping in a cemetery. Go figure.
Luckee's mom put up the "donation", since she felt bad that she couldn't take the cats in (Luckee had moved back home, so she already had 7 cats in her house!).
The woman who took them in was kinda nasty to me, making comments like, "people really should think before they get so many pets" and other similar statements in a curt manner. This hurt, because I was already upset that I had to give them up, and I NEVER thought I would be in the position I was in 10-11 years prior when I got the cats, otherwise I OBVIOUSLY wouldn't have taken them in! What the fuck?
Anyway, Bettie Page, Narcissa Aine & Itchy Grey went to the motel in mid-July, 2008. I couldn't think about it because it hurt too much. It *STILL* hurts.
The SECOND Luckee moved into his apartment, I had him go get Bettie. She's my baby - I mean, I have her name tattooed on my arm, for fuck's sake! The woman who set up the foster care really kept harping on the two of us to find a way to get the other two cats, which hurt so much - trust and believe we'd take them back if we could, but there are already 5 cats in the apartment (and there were 6 at the time). The woman who eventually fostered the other two was moving out of Salem, so she was REALLY trying to get us to take them off her hands, but we just couldn't. We gave her another $100 for care, but damn - it hurts to leave them. Our only consoling thought is that they are best friends and at least they're together. *sigh*
So I have my BettieBaby back, along with Tempest, Loco and Jamie (who we helped give birth to; some of you may remember it being on cam at the time). I miss my other babies, but I'm grateful for the ones I still have.
~Kissy
mood:  pensive
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06.24.09 10.31
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Umm, this is interesting...en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cummingtonite. WTF? Seriously? *NO ONE* noticed this??!?!?!
mood:  cheerful
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06.14.09 10.31
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06.07.09 10.31
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speak the fuck up
06.06.09 06.10
girls from seven-eleven stay up all night
24 hours a day
I said girls from seven-eleven stay up all night
seven whole days a week
I said girls from seven-eleven stay up all night
and I could get a discount
she may not be good-looking
she may not be good - no - no - no
she might not get down with the pussy
but she stays up all night
speak the fuck up
06.06.09 05.54
I been denied all the best ultrasex
I been denied all the best ultrasex
I - I tried to consume just like a super faggot
I got some dude
How can y'all bring a muthafucka something so good he couldn't say no
You nailed me hard
I love 'em when they don't give a motherfucking shit
I could've been someone instead of falling flat upon my ass
Dig me now and fuck me later
And sing it to the tune of faggot, faggot, faggot
Ow - dig me now and fuck me later
And sing it with the...
I been denied all the best ultra sex
I been denied all the best ultra sex
I - I could've been a star
It freaks me out when I sound just like my mom
I could've rocked the spot
Instead of being just another faggot like I am
I played that shit straight
Blowin' suckas on the side hopin' I get laid
Now everybody knows
No way in hell I can ever live it down
Dig me now and fuck me later
And sing it to the tune of faggot, faggot, faggot
Ow - dig me now and fuck me later
And sing it with the...
I been denied all the best ultra sex
I been denied all the best ultra sex
I could've been someone instead of falling flat upon my ass
Dig me now and fuck me later
And sing it to the tune of faggot, faggot, faggot
Ow - dig me now and fuck me later
And sing it with the...
I been denied all the best ultra sex
I been denied all the best ultra sex
Molest
Faggot, faggot, faggot, faggot
mood:  drunk
music: mindless self indulgence - faggot
speak the fuck up
06.06.09 10.30
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06.05.09 10.31
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speak the fuck up
06.04.09 02.51
...::: something you may not have thought of :::...
I was reading a friend's journal, and he wrote:
"...pick up a small office shredder...the phrase "Identity Theft" has been forced into our faces by the media, and unfortunately almost to the point where we close our minds to it when we hear it...we think that it will "never happen to us"...it's easy for someone to go through your trash, find a credit card offer, and submit it using your information...think for a second about the papers that you throw out on a daily basis...that old paper with your family tree scribbled on it: Now they have your mother's maiden name. Picture of your dog with his name written on the back? Now they have your pet's name. These are common questions used by websites to verify your identity, and a person can use this info to take over your account. It's a small example, but hopefully you see what I mean..."
You *do* know that there's no law about HAVING to use the answers to these questions, right? I never have, even in person, like at the bank or whatever. When I'm asked for something obnoxious like my mother's name, or my pet's name, I have "stock" answers that I use that I'll remember, but not the *actual* answers. I mean, so many of us have our lives online now and share much more than we think/remember. Who do you know that *doesn't* have a blog/MySpace/Twitter/Facebook/social-networking-site-du-jour account? Many of us talk about our pets and many of us talk about our families, if not giving family names out directly then easily tossing out enough info to make it laughably easy to obtain. That, plus what we physically throw out? Fuck, a shredder's just the beginning! Heh heh heh.
Anyway, just wanted to mention that. So what if the fucking bank manager gave me a weird look when she asked me for my mother's maiden name and I gave her the word I use instead of that? Who cares - I'm the one that has to remember it, not her! *grin*
Anyway, back to brownies. :)
~Kissy
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05.15.09 05.02
...::: not dead, I promise :::...
Just got access to a computer again, actually. :)
Things have been...hectic over the last year, to say the least. Not really gonna get into it, but I got divorced, he and I are somewhat back together kinda sorta. Had a really *really* bad for me boyfriend for a while that I stupidly still care about, but I'm not with him anymore.
Um...was homeless after said divorce. Like, sleeping outside again homeless. No joke. Ugh. Finished with that too.
Trying to get resettled. Trying to get back into school and back into work. We'll see. :)
BUT, on the whole, I'm okay and actually, finally, doing well. Heh.
~Kissy
PS. Cats are good. Luckee has 4 of them and 2 are in foster care and are doing well. I'm sad they are in foster care, but happy they are together and doing good and are well cared for.
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04.17.08 03.13
I'm at Cloei's!!! In, like, Seattle, WA!! *grin*
I'm BEYOND exhausted (it's 3:14am, but it feels like 6:14am to me...and I traveled from 10:30am EDT to 7:15pm PDT), but we're having a good time. I'm installing my Zune on one of her computers now so it can recharge & so I can download some of her music. :) She's coding on one of the other computers. I'm introducing her to the band Betty Blowtorch. heh heh heh.
Okies, Zune software's done downloading...I'm outtie for now. *grin*
~Kay
mood: giddy
music: betty blowtorch - shut up & fuck
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03.30.08 07.56
K
ein goin to seattle to visit cloei!!
I hate flying, especially for that long...I have an almost 2 hour layover in Minneapolis/St. Paul airport, but the only person I know there is/was anavoog, and it's not like we're close friends or anything, heh heh heh. I bet by the time I get outside, smoke a cigarette, go back through security, the time will fly by. *snicker* still, I think it's 4 hours in the air from there to seattle...4 hours isn't too bad...I can always have the doc kick me 2 Valium, one there and one back, if I think I really need it.
I leave in, like, two weeks!!
ein so excited, but so freaked out!!!
*grin*
~K
mood: cheerful
speak the fuck up
03.24.08 10.21
...::: old handwritten journal entry :::...
I may have posted this before - it's the only journal entry in a notebook I used to carry around all the time.
Saturday, March 18th 2006
my misery manifests itself in so many obvious ways that i generally try to ignore, lest - of course - i realize just how fucking depressed & unhappy i really am. but...as i sit in my front room, brushing my hair (which i haven't done in about 2 weeks; in fact, i haven't even taken it out of it's ponytail for at least a week), dancing like a maniac stripper (instead of sitting vacantly & immobile in my blue chair), blasting Prince on the stereo (instead of staring mutely @ the television), i realize i've missed this about myself.
I've watched teevee at least 10 hours a day for the last year! I almost never turn on my stereo! I wear the same clothes for days! I'll go for two or even three weeks without showering!
who in godsfuck *IS* this person?!?!?!?!
I'm being given the way out. & just the suggestion of it has lifted my spirts so much that i know i HAVE to do something - if not take the chance offered, then to make one of my own.
I'm tired of the status quo. I'm irritated with not caring that i eat a pint of ice cream every night & that i've gained 20lbs.
it's the dawn of a new era, motherfucker.
okay. so it took me 2 more years to actually *DO* something, but I did it.
finally.
something that I noticed is that some time ago, I started capitalizing "I" again...it was hard to type this out, because I had to keep going back to lowercase the "I"s in the entry...because I think my placement of referring to myself with lowercase "I"s and uppercase "I"s is interesting and says something.
I think when I started giving a damn again, it went uppercase. not that that's not obvious or anything, but there you are.
I have no interest in teevee anymore - just a couple of shows, and they're usually background to me being on the computer or reading a book - I'm sitting there to be social with the boys, not because I have any real interest in what's on. I no longer feel the need to escape so totally.
I'm pretty content. yeah, it's rocky and fucked up and weird as we figure out where we belong, but I'm still generally content. there's only two things I would change about my life now, one being my pain, and two...well, that's personal, though some people know what I'm talking about, and others with experience can probably figure it out. anyway, #2 I'd also get rid of.
~K
mood: content
music: black light burns - stop a bullet
speak the fuck up
03.24.08 09.34
You will see
That there's a blood clot in my heart
I'm trying to make time to push it out
But I can't quite seem to start
And it is sore
It is sore
It's so sore that it hurts to feed
You keep on taking little pieces of me,
I'm going to show you how to bleed
Get away and save yourself
Turn away and don't look back
Get away and save yourself
Grey skies are turning black
'cause I will always
Hurt everyone I love
If I were you,
I'd run away 'cause it's true
That I will always
Hurt everyone I love
I'm aching for you
But you're bound to bleed if I adore you
I think I'll keep you
In a place where I can see you
But I know I'll break you like before
And I just can't do this anymore
music: black light burns - coward
speak the fuck up
03.22.08 12.06
it is not fair to constantly test someone.
it's NOT.
mood:  sad
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03.16.08 04.05
I had a tooth pulled yesterday. :*( I woke up at 6:30am, everything's fine. go back to sleep until 9am, wake up to searing pain - I clench my teeth _REALLY_ bad in my sleep (well, I do it almost all the time, but especially when I'm sleeping) and apparently one of my teeth cracked in half. OW!! went to dentist, flipped out at usual, sent me home with antibiotics, percocets that I can't get filled (long story) and some Valium & told me to come back monday. stepped out the door to snow and frigid cold, the tooth pain nearly killed me, asked if I could get the Valium, take one, then try again today. they said sure, and it actually worked. normally, benzos just put me to sleep and I can't possibly see the recreational value in them...but using them on ACTUAL anxiety, I finally see their benefit. before, I was flipping out and crying and the fucking dentist hadn't even touched me...after the Valium, I was able to take deep breaths while they shot me full of novocaine and get through it - I even started to fall asleep while I was waiting for it to kick in! getting the tooth pulled still sucked, and I still cried a bit, but nothing even CLOSE to what would normally happen. So, now I know I can get my fucking teeth fixed - after 10+ years of dealing with tooth pain, it's about time!
~Kay
mood: calm
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